You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
