She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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