Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
its liver damage thursday
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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