Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
