Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
