That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
