alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
