we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
