drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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