You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
