I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
