My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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