Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize