I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
