god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
