just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
