if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
