he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
