it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My bed smells like the plague
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
