You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
so much tequila, so little girl.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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