Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
