I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
