That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
