I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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