Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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