I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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