I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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