the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
