That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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