hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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