So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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