It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
