1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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