How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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