i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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