Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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