ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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