We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
