i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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