therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
