the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
