What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
