New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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