we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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