were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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