You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
