You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
