You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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