I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
