Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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