thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
