Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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