This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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