margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
