I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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