I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
