I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
