my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
