he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
where does the pee come out of this thing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
