There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
