Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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