You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was like eating out sand paper
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
