Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
