I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
