Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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