I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
