How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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