you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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