i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
