On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
