This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
