He kissed a someone with a penis
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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