it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
