Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
