go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
love makes seman taste better
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
