My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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