No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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