Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
