Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
