It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
