a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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