Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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