sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
