yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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