so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
