I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
